On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing up four boxes of tree decorations. Kit, now living on her own, wanted to set up her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back years of memories and emotions for me, recalling the children we had fostered over the years who were no longer with us during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family welcomed and said goodbye to 23 foster children. While most stays were temporary, our two children eventually became part of our family through adoption. I was amazed to see that Kit remembered the stories behind each handmade ornament, even from makers she had never met. It was surprising to realize that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I opened one box, I found a tree topper given to my husband and me on our first Christmas together. The iridescent angel had a crack between its wings and body, held together by Krazy Glue. While our marriage did not last, the sentiment of the angel remained. Passing it to Kit, I wondered if she would want it in its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled with joy as she happily accepted the angel, reminiscing about wanting to be the one to place it atop the tree when she was younger.
Another box revealed a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by an eight-year-old boy we had fostered. Constructed from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas party, the ornament stirred up mixed emotions of sadness and frustration. Despite the court’s decision against making him a permanent ward, we still held onto the hope that he knew he was loved.
Kit noticed my change in mood and took the Santa decoration from me, fondly recalling how he used to play with it near the bottom of the tree. She pointed out the details, like the flames at the back of the sleigh, resembling a movie scene. Just like our foster children, Kit preferred watching “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” on Christmas Eve.
Creating an inclusive holiday experience for our foster children was a priority for our family. We arranged our Christmas dinner on dates surrounding Christmas Day, allowing the children to spend time with their families without feeling left out of our celebrations. Each child received unique ornaments to decorate the tree or keep as a memento when they left our care.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky embellishments, memories of our son’s playful nickname for them flooded back. This instance of dividing ornaments wasn’t new to me, as years ago, my ex-husband and I had to split our belongings, including holiday decorations. The act of sharing these ornaments symbolized fairness and equality in our family.
Kit’s reflection on the ornaments carried sentimental value, showing how she found comfort in their continuity despite changes in our family dynamics. This year’s tree decorating holds a different promise for me, as I look forward to seeing my daughter’s joyful interpretation overshadowing any lingering sadness attached to each ornament.